Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Oscar High-Holy Week

Hello members of the Academy. Not that Academy. The beautiful, big breasted, wonderful personality Academy.

Oscar season is over for the year and the winners are: MOSTLY UNDESERVING AS USUAL. I don't want to get into any specifics but I wasn't happy with all the winners (congrats Nat-Po, you wonderful lady!)

No, to me, the best part about the entire ceremony wasn't the awkwardness of James Franco or that lady that dropped the "Fuck bomb". No it was Steve Martin.Or rather, Steve Martin's Twitter account (@SteveMartinToGo)

Steve Martin came up with this idea that the week before the Oscars plays out like Lent or Hanukkah for celebrities. He's been posting the rituals a famous person does all week long to prepare for the exciting night.

Oscar Palm Sunday: The Triumphal entry of celebrities past regular diners at the Palm steakhouse.

At 6pm PST, starting overnight caviar on toast-points fast, giving up capers and diced hard-boiled egg yolk condiments.

Oscar Holy Monday: The Ceremony of the Borrowing of the Jewels.

Oscar Holy Tuesday: The Holy Reading of Bad Reviews of Movie Classics.

Oscar Holy Tuesday Afternoon: The Holy Reading of Rave Reviews of Movies Never Seen Again.
Oscar Holy Wednesday: The Coveting of the Nomination
Oscar Holy Wednesday: The Ritual of the Scuffing of Soles of New Shoes to Prevent Slipping.
Oscar Holy Thursday: The Holy Reading of Presenters’ Banter from Oscars Past
Oscar Holy Friday: The Holy Reading of the Grosses (On the first weekend, E.T. did take in….).

Oscar Holy Good - But We're Going to Have to Pass - Friday.
Oscar Holy Saturday: The Sacrifice of the Virgins. Oh wait, that takes place all through the year.

Oscar Holy Saturday: The Ritual of the Purchasing of the Purell

Oscar Holy Saturday: Man-Waxing

Oscar Holy Saturday: The Casting of the Seat Fillers.

Sunday- Day of the Osacar's

Oscar Holy Sunday: Today you are forbidden to drive yourself.

Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual of the Wedging of the Spanks.

Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual Thanking of the Lord for Helping One Win and For Not Helping the Other Nominees.=========================================

I truly believe that not only do some people treat this over hyped ceremony like it was a religious event, but that some people do the exact things he's saying, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. So, thanks Steve, for giving me one good reason to be excited about the Oscars day to day.